High School Experience - Christina's Story.

Right now I just need to vent.
This is a personal blog about things that I’m thinking about and things that lead me to be so confused about life. To be honest these are not my biggest secrets there are just things I wanted to tell to the world because I’m so done with keeping everything inside my head.

Note: Everything I say is in this blog is from the past.

 If you have the same issues as me comment and just vent as well anonymously or not or make a blog telling me your story! 

Every year around this time of year, my highs turn low and they stay low till mid January (sometimes December)

Ever since high school started, it’s been different.

Summer of 2009 is a summer I defiantly will remember. I had my two best friends and everything was good until fall 2009, I had to go to a different school. I had a learning disability and I was denied to go to the school they went to.

I had a hard time fitting in until I met the right people. It was okay it was just weird I guess going to a new school and everyone knows everyone and you don't know anyone... I got depressed often when I think about it every fall (mostly every fall) I seemed to be more depressed then any other season
Anyways I started to self harm because I didn't know what to do with these people.

Winter 2011 came along I had my first love. He was my best friend he was everything to me and I never wanted us to end I had good friends and still had my two best friends. Spring came along and everything went down because my boyfriend and I were having so many problems fighting every other day and it was a living nightmare. In Summer 2010 the summer was a little better, me and my boyfriend were getting along me and my best friends were better then ever, but when fall came along I changed and I just felt the need to be miserable, I dumped my boyfriend and my best friend and I decided it would be the best if we didn’t see each other for awhile. Thank god I had two best friends because with out the other best friend im sure I wouldn’t be here today.

 Winter came along and everything turned to the worst. I felt so alone. I started to extremely hurt myself. I didn’t go to school for a month because I felt so alone and I thought everyone hated me. I was scared so miserable. Writing this I am actually holding back tears. It was the worst part of my life and I get reminded every day of how much it was. I changed schools I changed my life style and I felt so alone. The only person holding me together was my best friend. I eventually became friends with my old best friend. It wasn’t the same. I look at our friendship on Facebook sometimes and see how much we changed. We used to write on each other wall hack each others Facebook etc. It was just typical best friend things. We changed so much. It was so sad she had different friends. Even though I got along with them it was still different it wasn’t just us. Its hard to explain.

I still had the other girl who was the glue to the paper my jelly to my peanut butter sandwich. She came over when ever I needed a hug she gave me advice (really bad advice) she was so bad at it. Then things got a bit better.

By the spring I felt better… but I was still recovering I had stopped self harming myself. But then I started to abuse food. I was a size 7 to a size 16 in 3 months. I just felt I needed to eat all the time. It was still harming my body but in a different way a way I couldn’t really tell I was harming myself.

Summer 2011 I got a gym pass, and figured out who I wanted as a real friend. I still wasn’t exactly sure. But it was the summer all I wanted to do was have fun and that’s really what I did. I didn’t call people the people who wanted to see me was the people I wanted to hangout with. I had a party and I made certain rules and everyone followed the rules besides one friend but I kicked her out of my life. At the ending of the summer I realise I lost only 6 pounds I was VERY upset about that. I couldn’t find a easier way to

lose a few pounds. I started to throw up my food after I ate. As well I stopped eating for a few days.

I lost my best friend the last two weeks of summer and I felt I just  wasted my summer building a friendship only to find it not working out. It was just like summer 2010.

Right now I’m trying to find a decent way to try to lose weight with out starving or not throwing it back up. I’m struggling with friendships. I walk down the hall ways feeling stupid and like a loser. I’m the only out of my friends who wear size 11 pants and I feel like they always leave me out of things or don’t want me hanging out with them.

But that’s just my head.

My mother and I don’t get along anymore and same with my brother I feel I have to buy my brothers love and to be honest I just don’t feel like I fit in anywhere right now.

I just want my two best friends back I just want to have the two girls I love back in my life who are two from two different groups and have different personality and style but when I bring them together we are like the three best friends.

I want these two girls to be the bride maid at my wedding and the girls who I have Girls night with every Saturday night. I just want all of this to start over and never do the things I’ve done. Right now I just have a lot of regret in my life… I just don’t know what to do with my self….. :/  

Also I'd like to add that I have a twitter account.

@christinauntold

Follow and I'll follow back!