Gooodmorning Simmuuaaahhh

Good morning Dearest Readers.

Its a rainy tuesday morning where I am right now.

Today I think Ill be going shopping hopefully!

Anyways...

I got so many great things for christmas,
which also contributes to myself buying a faboulous laptop at the cheap price of $450 dollars THANK You boxing day

and also my stupidity also takes me to the question
do you ever get excited to see all these low prices on boxing day so you pick up something that excits you?

I did that yesturday and boy do I feel like a fool.

I wanted to get the sims 3 ( I know a 16 year old girl playing sims. She must gets bored alot.) So I thought I did

I picked up sims and RUSHED to see if my parents could buy it for me instead of some stupid movie  (Which now I do regret not getting)  Well Apparently I didn't cheak the price and the name of the sims.

see I don't have the sims to download an expansion pack. haha and the Generation expansion pack is what i got. IDIOT i know.. Anyways So now i have this expansion pack which is more expensive then the whole entire game its self.

So Im just going to future shop today to switch the pack to the normal sims (hopefully...)

But if they dont have the sims... Im stuck with getting movies -_- which is alright with me since I am a movie watcher and have a completly awesome movie collection. But I rather the sims.


Wellll that seems to be all...

Sorry and Follow

Hello All

First of all,Merry Christmas

A few days ago i posted a stupid blog that was all about me being all depressed and stuff.

Just wanted to say sorry

ANYWAYS I got a new lap top!
so hopefully I will  be blogging more...
Ha-ha

aswell I need to get more followers on Twitter so 2012
make SURE you follow cause once I can follow again
I WILL FOLLOW YOU! Haha

Christinauntold

FOLLOW! haha

have a good day guys!

Christmas downer

As 2011 is coming to a end, I've learned many things throughout this fast year.

I learned how to be there for myself while no one else is.

I learned to be strong.

I learned about giving up and not trying.

To be honest this year was horrible.

Since December of last year Ive been living in the middle of the war it seems.

In 2012 I hope I will be more mature about my actions. I want to be brave I don't want to give up. I say this every year but hopefully I won't.

So this week....I backed off the audition for the musical because someone said I have no chance so I went home. And didn't move for about an hour. I felt ashamed of who I was. I'm pathetic. But next chance for an audition I will show them who's boss..

I decided today to leave school early since 'Tis the season' and well I always feel like I force people to hangout with me.

But whatever. In 2012 I will not let people Hurt me. I'm going to show them the real me.

I think for my new year revolution (I believe that's what it's called) I will be working on my self esteem and image and I want to read the bible... And write more blogs and make vlogs... But you never know...

Sorry for the downer post today guys. I'm just being depressed and upset this week. Ita been a year since the incident at my old school and I haven't changed into a person I wanted to be. I just feel worthless -__- oh well

Merry Christmas! If I don't write a blog before Christmas


-and in the new year I will be starting my project... so yeah! Have a safe an merry Christmas and a most amazing new years

Everything is going a-o-k

Hello Readers,

Like I said I had alot planned for the weekend!
and It was alot of fun!
Ha-ha

Anyways, This weekend I had my friends over and went to the falls...

Even though it was a 5 minute venture around niagara falls - Which was okay with me since I was cold and didn't have my coat...  We played truth and dare because we didn't know what else to do...

Friday night I was ughh hanging otu with two old friends...We did stupid things haha and we were texting people and I text my "Ex best friend" and yeah.... Haven't heard from her yet. So I guess my 50 50 thing isn't working so well lol

well thats all I guess?

I dyed my hair which was awesome! I like it everyone else likes it but my mom does NOT like it... oh well...

ugh I just have nothing to say I guess

Goodbye for now?

My weekend

So the new year might be better!found out somethings to day so my future could be a little brighter in the future!

I'm so excited for this weekend though!

Friday I'm hanging out with some old friends I haven't seen in forever! And yeah this will actually be the first time in a while I felt excited to see anyone... Usually I want to avoid people

Saturday my friends birthday! There's a group of us going to Niagara falls... You might have heard of that place... ;) but yeah! So excited to be honest! And it's no parents i do believe.. So yeah :p hopefully I'm not to dead from Friday events haha ;).

Sunday I will lay around and day dream... Most likely... Download some Madonna on my iPod... I dont know... That reminds me I have to practice for my audition on Monday... Well if it doesn't work out it'll be okay I guess... :s I don't know x)

10 things I look for:

In a friend I want

1. A girl/guy who I can trust. I have massive trust issues with friends. I don’t know why. I just have horrible experience with some.
2. If I was friends with a guy I don’t want to fear of him trying to get with me or try to be more then friends.
3. Someone who is easy to talk too. I like whenever I can talk about anything with my friends
4. A friend who will text me first every once in awhile
5. A friend who will be silly with
6. Friendship takes 2. If my friend always made me put more effort in being a friend then what’s the use? I like the term 50/50
7. Someone who invites you to parties and don’t feel ashamed of bringing you.
8. I like a friend to be loyal and not so dramatic.
9. SOMEONE WHO WILL NOT USE ME!  (Happens a lot.)
10. A friend who will not ditch you.

In a boyfriend:

1. Good to other people.
2. Confident about himself can speak to a big crowd about something that might be really embarrassing to talk about or just standing out. Confidence for me is so sexy.
3. Open to speak his mind. I like a guy who can talk about what ever is on his mind. And a guy who takes action like a guy who can make the first move or say something about I don’t know bullying or something really important.
4. Not crazy… as in mentally insane… that’s a big one  
5. A guy who knows how to party ;) I like to party. And I don’t like a bummer who doesn’t do stupid things while he is in his teenage years.
6. A guy who trust me and I can trust him –
7. Talks about his ex girlfriends and what him and her used to do. Talking about his ex is a big no no for me because well who wants to hear about the past and want to hear about anything that they did. i.e sex life, things she did, things that make her better then me etc   
8. Good taste in music, a guy who likes mostly every kind of music! Maybe he can play some instruments and or sing. That’d be a bonus.  
9. A guy who can joke around and is a little serious but when he needs to be serious... OH and Talking about joking around he has to treat me like he would do not being around his friends because if a guy can embarrass me in front of his friends I find it pointless.
10. A guy who is cool to just hang around sit on the couch I guess just talk, watch a funny movie or go for a hike or a jog or something awesome like that I guess someone I get along with amazingly. oh and Not all into kinky shit all the time sometimes its funny but I hate guys always talking about sex sex sex sex…

 Im really picky about boyfriends…: p from past boyfriends I learned what I am looking for in a boyfriend So yeah! : P some what very picky.

Friends... I couldn't think of much... but anyways.

That is all ? I guess

Rambling on Dec 13th

Reading over previous blogs I realised I have changed and im not as mature (in some ways) as last year.
I look over my first few blogs and I read a lot of confidence and trying to encourage myself to be a stronger person and in some ways I did become stronger but I find I’m a bit immature now in some ways… I keep saying some ways… GAHH

Anyways, I’m not that down in the dumps today…Which is cool I can deal with that haha. 

 I don’t work tonight… so yeah ill probably write more… haha

Well then....

Great news...

I guess my mom isn't that mad at me... Haha but anyways I still have to study for my audition and read over my lines for my drama class... :p so I guess every bad day has it's bright side.

Rambling on...

Obviously, all you can see that today's been one messed up day since I've posted what like 3 blogs already...

Today I guess was a slap in the face because my past was haunting me and obviously I can't get over it. Aswell im just waiting for a fight to arise in my house since I took my mothers bag this morning and I was Told to empty it on friday... She's gotten very upset with me today...and even deleted me off bbm... I can see a fight happening soon... Which sucks because I am in a fighting mood and I don't want to be kicked out of my house or be walking to school in the morning (even though I should start walking anyways I'm alot bigger then I was a year ago) so I decided to be smart and do the dish washer and do some laundry and obviously clean her bag. And I'm still scared shit-less

Ugh aswell...well of right now I need to practice for my audition for the school musical which I have no confidence left nor any friends to tell me what I'm doing wrong with my singing and acting. So I really hope I get a part I'm just not that sure I'll be getting one this year...

I have to much on my mind.

I'm probably going to go to the gym or go for a run tonight... But I don't know... If I do have any readers... What do you do when your just going threw hell? Or very stressed out? Right in the comments...


I just hope for everything to go better in the new year.

A year ago...

What this blog means.

Last year around this time. The 14^th to be exact. I did something stupid that has changed my life. I made a mistake and I couldn’t take it back I felt so ashamed for who I was. I had a dream I don’t remember the date because who keeps track of their dreams… anyways

This little boy came to me in a dream… I was just confused about the whole dream I guess… but if you read my first blog (Below) it talks about how this boy talked to me asked me what I wanted to be blah blah blah blah blah then I asked him what he wanted to be he told me : said happiness, love, hate, betrayal but then recovery.

I didn’t understand… then I asked him why…. I didn’t really go much into the dream because I don’t remember dreams so much.

This year I guess I learned what this little boy meant

Happiness: After the issue in December passed. The Christmas holiday was passing I guess you can say. I had a great time. I had friends I made new friendship and I had forgiven everyone.

Love: through out this year I had love. I had love with friends, family and a boy for a little while. This love makes me go back to happiness. The love I felt from everyone made me go to school. The love I felt made me stronger.

- Then something horrible happened. I had to switch schools.

The love still continued until the summer where I felt like myself again. I was happy. I was proud to be saying I am Christina Hackett again.

Then Hate rolled in.

Hate: I don’t know what I ever did to deserve all this guilt and hate towards myself. I lost most of my friends for doing stupid things in the summer. I don’t know why. I think of how this even happen. I just really don’t get it. I guess I would have to ask them why to get an answer.

Now Recovery. Obviously I haven’t recovered from any of this because if you read into my blogs. My life is just a big rollercoaster. I don’t know. I want to feel the happiness again I want to feel the love I had taken for granted. I just took everything for granted.

One thing I learned from this year 0was don’t pity yourself even if your, your only friend. Don’t give up someone is always waiting on the other side… I guess Recovery might be a mile away. But these kinds of issues will make you stronger.

A year ago I made this blog to make my life change. Because I seen all of this coming. I had seen my life just falling just like it is now. I just wish I had done things differently.

- I just need to change I guess…

A little boy came up to me the other day and asked me what I saw in the future for myself.
I stood there thinking why would this boy would ask me such a question and what would I say back to him?
I replied to his question saying I didn't have an answer. I asked him what he saw in his future.
He said happiness, love, hate,betrayal but then recovery.
I asked him why he had said hate and betrayal.
He replied "we can't all be happy every day and every night."
We will have our good days and our bad days.
And there will come a day where we will experience someone leaving our lives.
We learn from everyone
Older, Younger even the same age.
I find we have to look with in to complete happiness because everyone will have a good and bad day.

Child hood blog

Deleted the Child hood page I don't know why. But here is the blogs from the page.

Bullying

I’ve had so many encounters with bullying; I was the new kid, the girl who cuts her hair short like a boy Man there were so many names I’ve been called. I don’t even remember them half of them but all I remember how much it hurt me.

In Grade 2 I moved to a new school with a bunch of new kids. Saying that I should mention I was diagnosed with ADHD in Grade 1 so when I did go to this school I was very hyper and always was talking and always getting on the teachers nerves I think any teacher I had in the past would agree with me but in grade 2 my mom got me up early to do my hair all nice and when I got home every night it was always a mess… I always did stupid things and all the kids laughed at me so I always picked at my hair. One day my mom got so fed up with me she dragged me to the hair dressers. The women was a Chinese lady, about 40ish. She put me in the chair. I remember this because the smile on her face was so creepy. She started to cut layers at a time; my mom was shopping for groceries so she couldn’t stop the lady from cutting it really short. By the time my mom got back to the shop. I was in tears. I hated my hair! I remember crying in the car. “The kids are going to make fun of me. This is your fault” I knew these kids would pick on me. I was in complete hell for the next 7 years. Grade 3 everyone used the word gay all the time. “You look gay” “You look like a gay boy” etc. I was hurt by all these words. I didn’t tell any adults or someone who could do anything…

Grade 4 I had a great teacher I respected very much I loved her. I knew I could talk to her anytime. I can say she was one of my two favourite teachers I’ve had in elementary school she was also my teacher for grade 5 one time walking home a kid had punched and kicked me I ran back into the school and told her. She told the principle and then I had to explain my bullying issues from the last 3 years. They didn’t do much. But I felt safer knowing that a teacher actually cared about me. Until my mom went for a parent teacher meeting and my mom told her I lied a lot about my homework and stuff other things… And then she didn’t really care anymore it kind of hurt because after that it was just different. I had a social worker at the school and I had my special ED teacher to talk to but it wasn’t the same bond I had with the one teacher. Grade 5 my parents took me to NEW YORK CITY. While in new york I got these awesome pink glasses just like Paris Hilton had. When I got to school the following week a kid told me I looked like “Elton John” I was sort of offended because he is a man and he is gay. But he was also my favourite singer and such a big inspiration to manys. The kid took the glasses threw them on the ground and then stomped on them. I told my mom I just lost them and she believed me. Grade 6 came. Man what a year. We went skiing, on a camping trip and many other things. I took showers every morning but I didn’t do anything to my hair which made it look dirty since I had really dark hair and it was short so it just looked bad. In the summer I switched hair dressers I had enough of the 20 dollar magic cuts I went to and switched to a Salon. The guy who did my hair made it look so great. This was the start of doing my hair nice and dressing better.

Grade 7, I was bullied because I hung out with dirty kids and my best friends were preppy & normal girls. I just hungout with who ever I wanted too. I was tormented because I was ugly and stupid. I started to cut myself. Someone found out then all the sudden the next day everyone knew. I was really embarrassed because that was my secret and people called me emo and wanna be emo. It was horrible. Then I started to mature at the end of the year and just dressed nicer and become friends with whom ever I wanted.

Grade 8 The last year before high school, the year went pretty fast the first part being bullied and then I started to hangout with nicer kids who accepted me. I was a little weird but they all found me funny. I liked that. I started to feel liked. Then I had to switch schools again. I didn’t go to the same high school as my friends I went to a different one so I could have a better education. I found out who were my real friends actually. The ones who stayed in touch, I had my first real high school relationship I made a lot of friends and I actually felt really liked by everyone. It felt awesome. Then I my friends and I learned that drinking was fun. I then gained a stealing and drinking problem. Stealing money from my parents so I can go get some hobo behind the beer store to get me and my friends some coolers, we go drink them and stay at one of our houses. One time I got caught we had a huge bottle of sour puss and a I think its called a 24 I think of vodka. It’s the biggest size. So yeah… I was at my old elementary school with my friends taking shots off the playground. It was pretty great until we had to go home my friend was puking and I was drunk out of my mind. It was crazy. My parents thought we were at a harry potter marathon because we thought we were going to be all night. My parents in the morning made us get up early and take us to Costco. We were hungover and we were so sick we couldn’t stand. It was hell! From then everything was alcohol till I realised I needed to calm down with drinking once in awhile I had a drink but I didn’t do it because I was sad. Then yeah… Grade 10, I lied about stupid things like drugs and I got caught and I felt so vulnerable I hurt myself then moved to a different school… from there everything was like hell but not as bad. Still being bullied but I ignore it. Ill write more about this subject on my life because I didn't really give you alot of things how i've dealt with all this stuff. so yeah Keep posted! Thanks for Reading

I'm going to make this page based on the short childhood stories I said I'd posted. The only one I did post was about me having short hair and low esteem im going to continue using this page to write about my childhood. FYI Some of the things at the end of the “Segments” I will say something about the now and how are things are going. Aswell I’ll be adding to this page every week talking more about my childhood….

Short Hair

- When I was 7, I never liked being neat and tidy and do my hair nice like the other girls, so my mother had dragged me into the hair dressers and she got a women to cut my hair short. When I got out of the hair dressers chair I looked at the mirror then I started to cry I looked like a boy!! The women had cut my hair to short!! My mother didn’t think she’d cut it short like that… Since then I ALWAYS wanted to grow long beautiful hair, I wanted it so long so it could touch the floor but it never seemed to grow... I always wanted to have hair like the princesses I saw on television. I felt if I had long hair I could be a princess but I knew that was never going to happen.

I was always such a happy kid but the kids in my classes always put me down; they called me names and said I was a he/she and so much more they made me feel like I couldn’t be good enough or be pretty enough to do anything .

I was never a girly girl so that’s why I didn’t have many close girl friends... I always dressed the way I wanted to and I loved to pretend to be famous or someone else. I loved dressing up putting make up on and wigs and just being happy, NOTHING could bother me when I was pretending.

In grade 4 I started gymnastics I LOVE going to the gym and doing shows and dressing up, I did gymnastics for 3 years.

Grade 6 I quit gymnastics because everyone said that gymnastics are for losers. The cool thing was cheerleading. SO I tried to join cheerleading it just wasn’t the same as gymnastics. I dropped everything and went into modeling. It was a good way to bring out my creativity, my mom thought. I did modeling for about 3 years and I got fed up with all the fake preppy girls, I quitted. I always felt like I was never good enough to do anything. I always had low esteem and I still do...

Relationships

Growing up you tend to gain friendship and lose friendships (as in friends or boyfriend/girlfriend)

Since grade 2 I’ve had my main 2 girls who were always there for me and always came to my birthday parties and went shopping with me and grew up with me…

Throughout this time we did have our fights but we always made up in a day or so. Middle school came and went then high school came.

Going to a different school for awhile had made our friendship seem stronger then ever even if we didn’t see each other everyday we either texted or call each other to see how we were all doing.

Since grade 2 I’ve only maintained a strong relationship with these two girls even if I called everyone my best friend in grade 7 but honestly I look back and I’d only had 2 or 3 girls I actually felt I had trusted and was able to call them a best friend.

When I moved to a different school I had more friends, more then I ever had.I felt things I’ve never felt before I felt liked.

I had a whole group of friends and had so many laughs and memories, I had my first real long term relationship with a boy and then everything slowly started to fall apart again. The summer of 2010 I lost grip of one of the greatest friendship I ever had, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. We all make mistakes some we can’t take back.

Later that year I did something so stupid, I needed someone who I trusted calling my two of the closest friends even if I didn’t speak to the one girl since the fight, I needed help they helped me through a tough time even if one friendship couldn’t be repaired, It was so awkward for so long.

Friendship with one friend grew stronger while one wasn’t able to change. It felt so weird I had to do what I could even if it went against my morals. I wanted to gain our friendship back. I tried so hard with every friendship so nothing could change because the last “broken friendship” was so awkward I didn’t want that to happen to the other friendships I had. Since last December I’ve been living in hell.

Confusing Teenager...

First of all sorry for not writing for such a long time second of all… I don’t know what to say.

It’s been one hell of a month. In the last 3 years December is always a wacked up month for me. But I always have to look straight I guess.

Lately, I’ve doubted myself a lot more then usual which is horrible for my self-esteem and being positive blah that’s all I have to say to that.

I’ve been acting weird lately. First is not making eye contact with people I like and hate and avoiding all my friends unless I feel like talking. It’s odd.

Secondly I’ve doubted myself for the future. I find myself trailing threw my thoughts thinking about who will I be. I close my eyes and think. I see a loser being alone no one not even family I also see a liar, thief, drug user, Alcohol user I see negatives. If you know me, I am none of those things (Even though I do lie often, and I “borrow” things from my family without asking) it’s hard especially when I do try to see positive, I see high expectations. I see myself going threw hell trying to achieve my goals. I want to give up so badly I want to give up and I always do I feel like all the things I try to do. I will never be good enough for anyone. I think to myself often and think wow. I can be so much more. I lay in my bed or watch tv a lot. Usually when I am actually watching tv. I lose myself in my thoughts. I often tell myself all these negative things. Then I go to bed. And think more. And those nights I work (if I haven’t mentioned it already my hours been cut to one day a week for 3 hours.) so that one night I work. I am so happy. I love working it’s the only thing I actually like. I feel confident when I work. It gets everything off my mind.

Thirdly, I feel like I keep letting myself down. I always wanted to make vlogs and make characters and put these characters on youtube and all this other shaniagans. And I find myself putting the creativity away. And just continue being depressed. It sucks. It really does.

My last thing is that I feel so ashamed all the time to be who I am I can’t be myself so I always have to watch what I say. I can never be myself. I always feel stupid, and something I also do is stumble over my words when I read it’s so embarrassing then people laugh at me. Then I laugh at myself. And that just makes me feel like an idiot. But see Im so used to being laughed at. I kind of just ignore it. I don’t know.

The positive out of this negative situation.

It WILL be over soon I know that and most teenagers don’t realise that until their shoving 50 Advil pills down their throats and getting their friends mom to drive them to the hospital and a year or two later they will realise that some accidents are meant to happen.  And they might also realise that high school is 4 short years. That’s what I recently realised.

 I have so many things to look forward to which might make me or break me.

Even though I’m going to fail maybe 1 class this semester EVERY mistake is fixable. I can take a credit recovery or do it online summer school I don’t know just don’t let the negative bring you down you are who you are. And you are obviously here for a reason. And like the title says theirs positive out of every negative. Like all of this stuff going on right now. Makes me realise who my real friends are, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been friends for 11 days or 11 years. If you knew me you would know my head and my heart is in the right place if I see someone crying I always think what if that was me. I usually make myself look like an idiot and go talk to them and sometime you could make a friend out of it.

Now im just rambling…  

I don't know.  

Just an FYI

I’ve been working on a project that’s coming out I hope in May 2012 after I find some sort of sponsor. I’ve been working on a character which will be about a girl who is trying to kick a serious addiction. Which I’ll either be posting on youtube or some other website if I do get a sponsor all the sponsor would have to do is just give me ideas and promote me pretty much.

I’ve came up with a story line all I have to do its just write out a script and find more people who will be like a support system type thing.

I think that this will be a really hard project because I plan to have a video blog and a writing blog about over coming this addiction (from the character)

Anyways that’s all I can tell you now.